- Carrie Usmar
To The Person With The Anger Problem
You get mad sometimes, no big deal right. It happens, everyone gets mad.
If you're thinking this, you're right everyone does get mad to some degree. It’s a emotion we all experience and express in different ways.
However, when you are angry and not in control, you say things you wish you didn’t, you have no concept of personal space, and you have outbursts. This is not normal.
This hurts more than you can ever imagine. Yes in the moment you lost it. You are sorry and YOU move on. But the person on the receiving end does not forget it. Each time it happens, its like you are taking a bat at this person chipping away at their mind and their heart. Beating them down till there is nothing left.
The person on the receiving end was someone capable of anything, Destined for greatness till you told them they were stupid over and over again. This person was confident and could walk into a room and speak to anyone, till you told them they were nothing without you, one to many times. This person went from feeling worthy of love, to incapable of being loved by anyone.
Maybe you think the person your often mad at is too sensitive. You tell them its no big deal. Your sorry you get mad, but its not like your hitting them.
Well I’m hear to tell you it’s a big freakin deal. These situations every single one can break a person down to a version of themselves they don’t even know any more. These situations over time can cause anxiety, depression, and PTSD. They can take a person that was once happy and positive, to someone that is constantly living in fear and shame. They can't even see anything positive if they tried.
The sad part is, the person on the receiving end also has told themselves it's normal. It's normal to be treated like this, maybe they are too sensitive, maybe they are just dumb and deserve this. They find ways to cope with it, and in arguments they shut down, they know whatever they say isn’t valued anyway so why even bother. Or they feel like they are always wrong anyway so why try. They give up.
Maybe they are afraid to share their true feelings, or their wants or needs, because time and time again you put them down or dismissed them.
They start to get afraid, they are walking on eggshells constantly, not to upset anyone or anything. They will do anything to please anyone even if it means they get hurt in the process. They just don’t want you to get mad again. They don’t want anyone to be upset with them, because if someone is upset with them it means they are worthless.
They can’t make decisions anymore. They have become afraid of disappointing you. They feel paralyzed. What should we eat for dinner? Does this look okay on me? Should I wear this? Can I buy a new purse? Should I buy the kids some new sneakers? Everything needs permission because they don’t want to upset you.
They let all this anger and these situations break them down. Wear them down to a version of themselves they don’t know anymore. And they are just different, a different friend, a different parent, a completely different person than they were. And then this gets passed on from generation to generation. Not only does the anger get passed down, but these feelings of helplessness, indecisiveness, and people pleasing get passed on as well.
If you are reading this and have an anger problem, please I ask you to seek help. Its going to be hard to admit some of the truths of your past. Pride will get in the way. But I promise you, when you go deep, figure out the starting point of that anger, rip it up, wrestle with it, understand it, joy will start to come in. Only you can do this, no one else can fix you, and no one should have to suffer the damage from your rampage. You may not feel like it sometimes but you are free. There are ways to handle your rage. You just have to open your eyes, seek help and guidance from a professional, meet others that have worked through their anger. I promise you if you don't deal with this issue, you will lose everything you have or are going to have. It doesn't just get better with time. It takes hard work and vulnerability. and courage. I want you to know you are loved, more than you know. I have witnessed some incredible transformations and these people did the work. There is hope.