- Carrie Usmar
Gratitude In The Hard Moments
When you’re flying on an airplane with 3 kids under five there isn’t time to contemplate your life and the direction that you want to go.
Five hours into the flight, I’m starting to lose it. The baby looks possessed arching his back and crying. I'm trying hard not to let him throw toys at the person sitting next to me.
One kid wants a new show, the other one is asking for snacks.
I passed Crosby off to my husband, so I could take a break.
While I am sitting alone in this seat I have a moment to think. My mind started to run. This is horrible, I can't believe we signed up for this... What was I thinking? I am so dumb. This trip is going to be hard....
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! Silence...
I thought about how nature stops the noise in my head but I have nowhere to go except the bathroom and that's the last place I want to be.
The little voice in my head says to open the window shade, that's as close to nature as you will get.
I looked down at the morning light shining on the mountains. Speechless, I sat and stared. My mind went blank for a moment, all the noise turned off. I looked at the way the light hits the top of the mountain and the shadows fall at the base. It almost looks like the veins in your body. An endless amount of them circulating the blood and keeping you alive.
I thought I am small. I am one tiny person in this huge world of millions of people. What good can I do? What is the point of all of this? The writing? The sharing? Facing the stifling fear?
Immediately I told myself NO, I’m not small, I matter. I make a difference, even when I am doing my monotonous tasks, feeding kids and wiping bums day in and day out, I am raising the next generation. Even if only two people are reading this, if it helps one, then I made an impact.
I thought about how grateful I am for support from all of you. You are kind of like my blood vessels. Not only do you help me survive but you help me thrive. You inspire me and you've taught me I CAN do hard things. I am capable of more than I give myself credit. You have many characteristics I admire.
Some of you make me laugh, we get together and can’t stop laughing.
Some of you are comforting, you don’t even have to speak, I know you are there.
Some of you are always smiling, bringing joy and light to many, even on days when you feel down.
Some of you bring people together, not only do you organize events but help people feel loved and included.
Some of you listen, you don’t offer your opinion or guidance, you listen because people need to feel heard.
Some of you follow, I know you and I see you, I like to follow too, there is beauty in the follower, they are loyal.
Some of you are welcoming. I love you. I enter a room knowing no one and you make me feel at home, you introduce me to people and help me feel loved.
Some of you are huggers, I don’t feel comfortable hugging people, I do an awkward dance and give hugs, but if you want to give me a hug I won’t say no and I appreciate it.
Then there is the encourager, the one that reminds me, I can do hard things.
Let’s not forget the people you trust, you could tell them you did something terrible and there is no shame or judgment, only let’s figure this out together. I am grateful for all of you. And I want you to know you make a difference in lives every day, even when you don’t feel like it. Maybe you are feeling discouraged or lost. Maybe you are tired of doing everything and no one thanks or appreciates you. I want to remind you that you are worthy and loved, and you matter. All that you do makes a difference in someone’s life and even when you aren’t feeling like it, keep going, you never know who you are impacting with your love.